The Onion’s recent video Advocacy Group Decries PETA’s Inhumane Treatment of Women is a parody, but isn’t this a valid critique of PETA? My typical policy is just to ignore everything they do because I think their stupid stunts are harmful to the cause, but it’s always bothered me that they parade women around for publicity stunts. Says a fake Onion PETA spokesman:
We have no intention of changing our tactics until every last animal on the planet is given more respect than women.
Man, I actually kind of want to read A Comprehensive Review of the ‘07 Shower Caddies. What advances have been made since I was in college?
Activision Reports Sluggish Sales For Sousaphone Hero | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source
"If they hit enough correct notes in a row, the on-screen crowd yells 'huzzah' and 'bully.'"Naked Chocolate Jesus Nixed | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source
“If I had that sculpture, I would trade it in a heartbeat for thirty chocolate coins.”
Captain America Killed | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source
“But who will avenge him? If only there were a group of ‘avengers,’ if you will, organized for that purpose.”
Apple Unveils New Product-Unveiling Product | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source
“iLaunch is powered by Intel dual-core processors optimized to calculate a product’s gravitas.”
New Mobile-Device Purchase Makes Asshole More Versatile
“McClain, a douchebag, first became familiar with the BlackBerry when they were issued to all members of his group in 2002.”
‘C-List Celebrity Killer’ Leaves Police Enthusiastically Guessing Who’s Next
“Just when we thought we’d cracked the code, Molly Ringwald turned up bound and strangled in a Beverly Hills motel room.”
I don’t know why I find this so funny, but I do.
Super Priest Can Turn Anything Into Body, Blood Of Christ | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source
When preparing for a Catholic wedding, one tends to find extra joy in Catholic humor.
In addition to the standard spinning blade, the coalition is seeking restrictions on random whirling fireball chains, falling blocks, spike-pit traps, and invisible cross-corridor laser arrays.
RIAA Bans Telling Friends About Songs | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source
“We are merely exercising our right to defend our intellectual properties from unauthorized peer-to-peer notification of the existence of copyrighted material.”
I get my news mainly from five sources:
Of those, the first two are “fake news” sources, and the third really only counts as maybe 50% real news. When I read the Express (usually when I’m not reading a novel), I read most of it, but often I’ll do the Su Do Ku first and then not have time for anything else. Weblogs are pretty good at linking to certain stories, but I’ll often miss out on a swath of news relating to topics that those writers just don’t care about. So if you really look at it, my primary source of news comes from comedy writers. And I’m pretty much okay with that.
On the topic of fake news, The Onion just redesigned, and I like it. I’m not sure I love it, but I hated their old layout and thought it was much worse from the one they had had before. Khoi Vinh’s written up a litlte piece about the design work. At first I was very worried they had gotten rid of my absolute favorite part, which are the little headlines that don’t have articles that ran down the side. Often enough an Onion headline is the funniest part of an article, so these were always like little bonuses. I looks like they’ve just moved them down the page some under the “From the Print Edition” header. As discovered elsewhere, this section of the paper featured, about a month ago, what I think may just be the paragon of internet humor. It manages to combine farce, photoshopping, and the web’s strange fixation on posting pictures of cats: “War On String May Be Unwinnable, Says Cat General”.
Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New ‘Intelligent Falling’ Theory
Ah reductio ad absurdum, my old friend.
It’s been a while since I’ve read an entire issue of The Onion. Usually I read a few and then scan the rest. Because, really, once you’ve gotten acquainted with it you can pretty much guess what an article says by its headline. But today I’m bored. Very bored.