Ernestine, the universally-beloved cafeteria worker at William & Mary, passed away Sunday. Below is a letter from Amy Barnes of the Office of Student Affairs, followed by a transcript of her final message “to all her babies.”
December 9, 2003
Dear Friends of Ernestine,
Because you have loved Ernestine as I have, I knew that you would want to know that she passed away peacefully yesterday afternoon in the company of her children and close family members. She was at the Hospice Care of Williamsburg where I can assure you she received the best possible care during these last few weeks of her life. The goal was to keep her comfortable and as pain free as possible, and she had the opportunity to spend quality time with family which was her wish.
A memorial service and celebration of Ernestine’s life will be held on Sunday, December 14, 2003 at 1:00 p.m. at the University Center, Chesapeake Room. A reception will follow. Her family has extended the invitation to all alumni and students who wish to attend. I will send along any additional information in a follow up email including an address to send contributions to in lieu of flowers.
Also, an article will be published this Thursday in the William and Mary News that will include a letter that Ernestine asked me to share with alumni after her death. I have included the rough draft as an attachment, but I encourage you to also connect to the William and Mary News through the College’s web page on Thursday. It is a beautiful letter and it was very important to her that she be able to communicate her gratitude and love to all of the students who reached out to her during her illness. I hope you will find it as moving as I did. Even in the moment when we were appreciating her, she wanted to reflect back the same love and affection.
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me by email or by calling 757-221-2203. And please forward this message on to as many alumni as possible.
In loving memory of Ernestine,
Amy Barnes
Graduate Assistant Office of Student Affairs The College of William and MaryAmy’s introduction to Ernestine’s message:
Over the last several months, I had the wonderful opportunity to stay and visit with Ernestine about once every week. Every time I visited with her she would ask for me to get her mail (which usually included 5-10 letters and cards from former students) and to read each one to her, sometimes more than once. She loved the letters and especially the photos that were often included. Other friends and family would stop by and she would ask them to read the cards out loud again. I could see how much joy those letters brought to her in the last few months of her life.
During an afternoon visit with Ernestine in October, she asked me if there was some way that she could write a letter to all the students who had been sending her cards, letters, flowers, and prayers to express her gratitude. She was too weak to write on her own so I promised to show up with a tape recorder during my next visit so she could send her love and appreciation to all her boos. She asked me to hold onto it until she passed away and then to find a way to send it to as many former students as possible. During the recording she taking pain medication and so it is a bit repetitive, but I decided not to edit it much at all. I certainly wouldn’t want to alter her words – words that I know came from her heart.
To all my babies,
Many of you already knew that I am very sick and that I have terminal cancer. I wish that I had more time than I do to talk to each and every one of you in person. But instead we will have to opt for this recording and this letter. I don’t know how much longer that I might have, but in the short period that I do have left, I wanted to take the opportunity to thank each and every one of you who took the time to write cards, or to say a prayer, or just to remember me and the years that we had the opportunity to spend together. There were a lot of touching letters and cards – some which were very comical and then there were some that really touched me to no end. I have thoroughly enjoyed the cards I have gotten. It made me know, if I didn’t know before, how much I am loved. And I can honestly say that I didn’t know the degree or the depth of how much I was loved and cared for until the last month or two because of the cards and the letters. I appreciate it so much.
For most of you, it seemed that you thought I had forgotten you. Even though I am fading fast, my memory is still pretty good. Even though there are lot of things that I have forgotten over the years, not many students have escaped me. And that is because of the memory and impression that you all made on me. You seem to think that the time spent at William and Mary was more beneficial to you, but actually, it was more of a benefit to me. Just being in your presence helped me to realize that I was a well-loved person. You helped me to be a better person, you helped me to be a better mother, and even though I am divorced now, you even helped me to be a better wife. And I want to thank you for that. I wish that there was more time – I really do – so that I could express more about all of the good times that we had together. There were happy times, and there were sad times. But we knew that the happy times would always outweigh the sad. We were able to talk about things – family problems, boyfriends, love affairs – not too much now – we didn’t tell every thing (laugh), you know, secrets – who likes who and what I thought of this guy or this girl. And I do hope that in that time period I was able to give all of you constructive feedback. I appreciated that you took my advice on some of the things and that you actually listened to me. I know that if I didn’t feel that you were listening, then I wouldn’t have had such self-worth. And that is what you made me feel. You made me feel that I was worth something and that I was somebody. You made me feel that the things that I said and the things that I did – that they made a mark on you – that it made some difference in the way that you responded to your parents, to your friends, the way you responded to your teachers here at school, or anyone that you cared a lot about. And that anything worth having was worth working hard for. And for those things I was grateful because it made me feel that hey – I made a difference. And because I made a difference in your life, then just perhaps I could make the same kind of wonderful difference in my own family’s life – with my children, my parents, my other relatives. And so I am truly grateful.
I am trying to recollect some of the letters that I have received over the last two months or so and the visits that we have shared – and the impression that you have made on me. What I think is so wonderful is that you loved me so much that you wanted to include me in your families. Not just with mom and dad and what might be going on at home. Or with the different struggles that might be going on between someone being ill in your family. But other things like – now that you are parents. I remember the first time that I saw the first class come back, the kids were older, some of the guys were bald (laugh) and they brought their children and they would say, “Oh Ernestine, look! This is my oldest” or “This is my daughter” or “Here is little Connor” or even just to tell me stories about their kids. Or to tell me about their struggles—those not things that are just shared with anybody except sometimes just with a few close friends or family. Also, just seeing the achievements that you’ll have made has really impressed me. If you did nothing at all except just work hard each day in order to do something that would make your life happier or the world a better place to be, each day would have been a tremendous mark – you would have made a mark. There are so many things going on in the world today that could bring us a lot of unhappiness, but I do know that everybody from William and Mary seemed to try to make a difference. You struggled to become lawyers and doctors or in whatever you did. Now, you know, I have never really been much on prestige. When people asked me why I was so close to you’ll and I would try to explain that we had a special relationship, and they would say, “Oh, are you a professor?” And I would just get so tickled. And I would say, “No, I work in the cafeteria!” Because to me it doesn’t matter what you do, it’s what you do with what you do or what you have.
And so if I could make some kind of impression on somebody just being me and just taking life in stride and using whatever wisdom I’ve learned in my life to make a difference – to help somebody else; to appreciate the next person; to treat that next person like they are important and that they mean something to people. Because we all have a gift that we can give to one another so we should all just take a moment to make somebody else feel good. Because I know that when I went to William and Mary, I was fairly young – I still think I am young (laugh). But I remember that my whole reason for working was so that I could make a difference in somebody else’s life. I never knew that was going to be my career job. When you think about the students being so far from their families – if I could help another young person find their lot in life. If I could have done that – help that person deal with one more day—deal with one more problem – find a solution to something that they thought was a mountain – that it was just a little thing – that they could just jump over that little hurdle and say, “I made it.” If I could do that for someone, then I too had accomplished something. And then just to see your young trusting eyes …
I always had a selfish motive for working at William and Mary – one was the children that came (they will always be children – 60 years old and they are still children to me). I always focus on the kids – the students – and what would make the happy. Making them smile. Making their hearts a little less heavy. That was my main aim in coming to work.
At this point, Ernestine became too tired to continue. We tried to finish the letter during later visits, but unfortunately she didn’t feel well enough to try again. However, I feel that what she said in her words above was all she needed to say – so much wisdom and love from such a beautiful person. I believe that I can speak for every student she touched when I say we will never forget the impact that she has made on our lives, the opportunities that we had to spend with her, and we always will cherish the memory of her sweet voice calling us “boo.”