Visiting college this weekend indirectly got me thinking about AIM etiquette. Our parents never taught us good cell phone or chatroom manners. It isn’t really their fault. After all, these things didn’t exist when their parents were teaching them etiquette. If you sat most people down and quizzed them on cell phone manners, they’d probably get most of the questions right, even if in practice they’re perfectly willing to stop talking to you without saying “excuse me” as soon as their ringtone sounds. But being told these things as teens goes nowhere near the effectiveness of constant correction as children. Still, it would seem that cell phone manners would be easily extracted from telephone manners, so there’s little excuse. Instant Messenger Etiquette, on the other hand, has very few lower-tech analogues.
The Instant Messenger Handbook by Eric Gillin does a fine job at explaining some of the important points regarding dealing with other people you’re sending IMs to. What it doesn’t discuss, and what’s equally as annoying as the cell phone example, is how to mix people in real life with your Buddy on the other computer.
The AIM Rule for Dealing with Real People: Anyone who has chosen to talk to you in person should be treated as if they’re more important than everyone on your Buddy List.
Common example 1: I wander into my friend’s room and plop down on the couch. I start watching whatever he has on tv and making small talk, but he is only able to respond with grunts because he’s ignoring me in favor of his Buddy.
True, I did walk into his room, effectively interupting his conversation, so it seems like he’s not being all that rude. But he is. Fact: exactly 1.5% of all conversations over AIM are worthwhile. While my conversation may be just as worthless as the one you’re having over AIM, I at least actually came into your room.
Common example 2: I’m hanging out with my friend in his room, and he gets an IM. He starts up a conversation with his Buddy, pausing our conversation every 20 seconds to read and respond to his latest IM.
Because AIM conversations happen slowly, they’re exceptionally annoying to onlookers. If we’re talking and you get a call on your cell phone, the appropriate action is to say, “excuse me,” answer your phone, and find out what the call is about. If it’s about solving a problem, do it quickly and then hang up. If it’s going to be a conversation, tell them you’ll call back later. The same applies to AIM conversations. If they want something, give it to them. If not, tell them you’re busy.
Since in-person visitors aren’t reading your screen, they just feel like they’re being ignored. Snap out of it and realize this. It may be that the person who just sent you an IM is indeed going through a crisis or is a friend who lives very far away. In these rare cases, tell the person sitting in your room that you need to talk to this Buddy. In every other case, give the person actually physically in your room most of your attention most of the time. Everyone knows that all IM conversation are worthless, so they know that you’re intentionally choosing someone else’s worthless text over your face-to-face interaction. It’s just rude.